Come, my friends, ‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world. Push off, and sitting well in order smite the sounding furrows; for my purpose holds to sail beyond the sunset, and the baths of all the western stars, until I die. It may be that the gulfs will wash us down: it may be we shall touch the Happy Isles, and see the great Achilles, whom we knew though much is taken, much abides; and though we are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are; one equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. - Alfred Lloyd Tennyson from Ulysses
Sometimes you need to lose your life to find it. I’ll write more about it later, but for now, it is sufficient to say I almost lost my life over the holidays. The experience, horribly scary as it was, gave me life back, an invigorated version, with clarity I’ve never quite had before. I am grateful for this experience as it clarified what mattered and why. It has helped me find people close to me, and those I wanted close to me – friends, community, and beyond. It outlined a sort of homecoming to return to what I always wanted to do in life – as an athlete, in sports medicine, and high performance training. Adversity rights a course in dramatic fashion.
They say life works in mysterious ways. I believe that sentiment now more than ever. When you come full circle around, everything makes perfect sense – the ups and downs, wins and losses, happiness and pain. Having clarity on the other side of confusion is bliss. I love winning as an athlete, but the journey might actually be more rewarding and compelling.
What was required of me personally to save my life was the stuff of legend. I ejected myself from a mainstream hospital that seemed to me to be running reckless. I was doing simple math and analytics in the hospital for the benefit of my health. I observed a protocol set in motion by a few misaligned doctors on my treatment team, and one that was in control that that was depleting me physically without restoring in a way my body could handle. Important symptoms I felt needed to be addressed were not. The medical system not working well was something I was bearing witness to directly. The fear this created in me was profound, and was fueled by doctors that operated from a power position and seemed to love the worse case scenario. I don’t do well surrounded by anyone that represents the worse case scenario. My life as I know it has been about positive visioning and thinking what can be done, not what can’t. This is more than an essential outlook when it comes to medicine and healing. It became clear to me that if I wanted to save my life, it was necessary to escape what I saw as a fear monger prison that didn’t care, and was operating without good sense. I did exactly that. Day to day, I have made huge strides in physical recovery far beyond what would have occurred in the hospital, and have exceeded all projections, even my own. I think I would have made a better doctor than I had imagined.
My personal recovery is my plan, and I assembled an A-team to make sure success is guaranteed – the best of traditional and integrative medicine, and a knock-your-socks-off nutrition and hydration plan. The story is jaw dropping and true. Many felt I was the reckless one for leaving the hospital.
Personal power combined with divine guidance hinges on knowing yourself, listening to your intuition (gut), and acting with complete confidence and composure. Tennyson brilliantly illumines this combination of life skill in Ulysses, part of which I’ve excerpted above. To be brave, courageous, strong beyond measure, wise, and to skillfully fight with intuition and intention for the right thing makes all the difference. It saved my life. The world needs heroic hearts, minds, and bodies now more than ever. One glance at the news and it is apparent how much we need every force working for good to do so. Sometimes saying what needs to be said is hard, often unpopular, and can sometimes mean going against a system in place. History has burned people at the stake for standing up. My experience is one of standing up in a hard situation. I did the right thing however unpopular and unconventional it might have been.
If I can share one thing in this post, it would be that we need everyone working for good that we have on Earth to do so. Moving towards light and love and holding strong to your personal truth is what matters. Find it in yourself and in others – band together. One by one we do change the world by each agreeing to show up in this way. It is more powerful than any medicine or political movement.
Life takes a heroic heart. History loves heroes that have acted this way – Joan of Arc, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, George Washington, Nelson Mandela and the list goes on. It’s been said, and perhaps it is cliché, but you can be a hero every single day just by showing up the way you know you should. I hope you do, and that goes for me as well as it is a lifelong intention for top performance always.
In the name of love,